Work Life Balance

I started on this piece on 4Th April and yet till today I had difficulties to get it over with. I was quite hesitate to publish it for some unknown reason (what a lame excuse!). So, after almost 2 weeks, I decided to push it through...and here it goes....
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I've been home late...sometimes very late (of course not as late as my beloved hubby..he he). There were times, when I got home the kids were in bed, which means - I only saw my daughter for an hour on that day and my son maybe a bit more, around 3 hours or so.

And as usual, to make it up to them...I would wake up early before 6am to prepare breakfast and meals for the rest of the day. I do this everyday even though almost every single day too I stay up late to finish my work. Yes! I know what some people might say to this....I'm so ANAL!

Yes.. I know. I’m so anal! All my team mates never failed in reminding me of that. I need to let things go…and I tried, trust me… I really tried. But it gave me nightmares. Nightmares of things falling apart at work and nightmares of figures, documents and people. Whenever I managed to leave work after Maghrib prayers, I would ensure that I didn’t work again from home until my kids were in bed. At times, it means after midnight.

See, I have a simple equation to all this which I believe would works:

Leave work by 8.30pm, should be home at latest by 9 (although lately it was very much later) and still would be able to spend time with my daughter at least another hour or so and with my son for another 2 hrs (these few days, I missed them) . After the kids go to bed, I stay up to try to finish my work as much as possible for another 2 or 3 hours (the only thing I managed to do without fail lately!). Then off to bed myself and wake up around 5.45am to cook and spend more time with the kids.

Sounds simple right? But at the end of the day...Iwas the one who suffered. I sleep between 3 to 4 hours everyday and rely so much on "my-so-called-energy-booster".

Guilty? Don't mention it... I had that feeling almost on daily basis now. I tried to forget about work and wanted to pack and leave. But again, each time I didn’t manage to get myself to do it. Especially when there are people in the project who are impacted by my deliverables. At the same time, I hate myself for not be able to make up time for my family during the weekdays.

The thing was, this is not the only time I’m in such a mess. It happened before in my previous employment. I had equal ( or was it worst?) madness and my body just collapsed! The whole incident impacted my loved ones badly. At that time, I had to choose between career and family. I let my career go...and moved on with my loved ones.

Anyway….
I don’t know how much long I could last with this madness.
I don’t know how much more I could take it
Without physically, emotionally and mentally impacted
(the signs are definitely visible now!)

When the offer came, I could not hold myself up…
I could almost kiss her for opening another door for me…
A way out from this madness…
Patience is what I need, just a bit more… a month or two
And I will be able to have that "s0-called-work-life-balance"